Lies and Snakes and Planes

So I was sitting around thinking one day...

No, that's a lie. I was on TableTalk, which is my new addiction. It's a combination reader forum and bulletin board that runs parallel to Salon.com. I was surfing through the various threads I subscribe to, and ran across the Snakes on a Plane thread, which is just a bunch of silliness and giddy excitement about the upcoming movie starring Samuel L. Jackson and a whole damn mess of snakes. Someone mentioned that the only two movies she was looking forward to were "An Inconvenient Truth" and "Snakes on a Plane." She then wondered why she couldn't find a movie that would show both as a double-feature.

Always one for a challenge, I imagined Al Gore as he might appear in the SoaP movie, trying to convince the other passengers of their common dilemma:

"The truth of the matter here is incontrovertible. There are snakes, and they are aboard this plane. We're not talking about one snake, or a small handful. There are lit'rally hundreds of snakes. Right here! Here on this very plane. This plane where you and I rest comfortably, has come under a very sudden and unforeseen attack by snakes."

Then someone wondered aloud about Dick Cheney trying to explain to W about the movie. And, as I said earlier, I can't resist a challenge.

Bush: So, Uncle Dickie, any good movies out there?

Cheney: mutter grumble ... Nacho Libre.

Bush: Oh, yeah, that's the rasslin' movie. That'll be good! What else?

Cheney: mutter mutter snarl snarl ... snakes ... mutter growl ... plane mutter mutter ... guy from "Pulp Fiction."

Bush: Oh, my gosh! Should I call the National Guard out to the airports?

Cheney: grumble mutter ... fiction, Mr. President ... gribble ... not real.

Bush: Yeah, but that United 93 plane movie really happened. I remember that! I went out to some field and they said it was a plane ... that the plane crashed ... there was this field ... well, I didn't really get it but I said God bless America and everyone clapped, so I guess it went okay. Are you sure there really aren't some Islamic snakes on our planes?

Cheney: mutter mutter ... not likely ... grr woof ... we'll look into it.